Chapter the First: A New Introduction

Sunday 1 August 2010 23:52

My names Ryan and I am an addict.

My addiction is over-thinking at the small hours of the night. I call it thinkaphelia.

So, why at this time of night?

It’s always about this time my brain kicks up from its idle telly watching low hum into its high pitched whine of a thinky idea phase. Naturally this is always the time I should usually be asleep, but my brain seems to wish to use up all the energy stored in the day when I was either half listening to the TV, surfing the internet or failing to keep up to speed with mine and my girlfriend’s byzantine social and family structure which needs a map of such cartographical elegance the London tube map would look like a toddlers finger painting.

My brain has a habit of this hence, why I try not to read books before bed any more. I have many a time, looked outside the window into the pre dawn light and realised that though Chapter twenty eight may have been good I will need to be up to get ready ready for work in about forty minutes or so and sleep might be a really good idea.

I have, almost on purpose, watched an entire TV series on a weeknight due to being mesmerised by the plot, the setting or even the particularly fruity young actress. This is in the certain knowledge that I will hear that jingling of a little bell in the recesses of my brain of future me telling present me, this is a very, very bad idea and intravenous caffeine will be required by three thirty pm, stat, to prevent me slipping into a zombie like state.

Also, due to the fact I am a great sci-fi and gaming nerd, this is also frequently the time I am either thinking out my five novel space epic arc or asking myself stupid and pointless questions to which I know not the answer, such as what’s better, hyperspace, warp, ftl or starburst (ten points for the four series’ behind these abbreviations for fast travel).I will then proceed to make myself a knock off of one of these and disguise it as much as I can to be able to get away with it.

As these times seem to be my most creative, stupid, inspired or dim-witted moments. I’ve decided to share them with you all for a year. Poor, poor you. I don’t guarantee this will be every evening but knowing my cantankerous brain it will probably be most of them.

Over the coming months I will go over my random thoughts, theories, musings and things that frustrate and annoy me. These have been known to include:

- How am I sure the colour green that I perceive is the same green you do and is not my version of the colour red?

- Why do small children know the exact moment and opportunity to cause the maximum embarrassment / fall of social grace?

- How dogs and cats are actually the opposites of the same animal.

- How nobody actually really does like the taste of lager.

- When will someone invent an automatic pillow revolver?

- When did duvet covers become a heated source of debate?

- Why no matter how many or few clothes you have the laundry basket can never stay empty for a period greater than 12 hours.

- Why is the majority of the general populace still of the beard fearing variety?

- Who would really win between Batman and Ironman?

- Why is it only ever slow people in front of you when you're trying to get somewhere

I know these examples aren’t the most important, life-affirming, universe shattering, philosophising breakthroughs in modern history, but I’m writing and they matter to me so, nyeh.

Thanks for listening. Somebody has to and I hope to share my girlfriends anguish at having to put up with my god-awful drivel.

Must be off, there’s this really good book I’ve been dying to read...